Greetings from the frontlines of the writers strike in loony, liberal Hollywood.  Well things are heating up out here.  The striking screenwriters finally realized that physically blocking the entrance gates to the movie studios "may result in injury" after several writers were run over, the most serious casualty being a broken leg.  Since then the writers have taken to improvised explosives and insurgent warfare.  Most recently sectarian violence exploded on the picket line between cable writers and network TV writers over the fact that writers for HBO can use the F-word an unlimited number of times in a single episode.  It makes it much easier on the writer because he or she can use the F-word repeatedly rather than going to the trouble of actually having to come up with dialogue.  Meanwhile, the UN Human Rights Commission is protesting the Writers Guild's use of water-boarding and other controversial interrogation techniques to keep writers from using their imagination or thinking of any ideas while the writers strike is in affect.

OK, I confess that maybe this whole strike has not quite reached the level of a full-fledged civil war, but if you talk to the writers or read their many blogs online, they seem to see this as some kind of epic battle between good and evil as if they stand at the gates of Armageddon ready to defend civilization as we know it with a number 4 pencil and a blackberry.  Leave it to Hollywood writers to over-dramatize their own personal grievances.  

The truth is after little more than a week the big writers walkout resembles FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF more than NORMA RAE.  The picket lines have taken on a carnival-like atmosphere as union protesters are daily treated to Starbucks coffee and donuts by the likes of Eva Longoria and Jennifer Garner.  That is probably as intimate a relationship as a writer will ever have with these overpaid and overprimped starlets, but even Hollywood writers still get star-struck.  I find it amusing to drive into a studio gate and watch the supposedly professional screenwriters hounding actors from the OFFICE or LOST for autographs.  Yes, all the stars make their obligatory PR appearance on the picket lines.  I guess they just consider it good business to feign sympathy for the writers who earn 1% of the actors' paycheck (and the writers are mad at the STUDIOS?).  

Hollywood being the trendy town that it is, certain picket lines are considered "cooler" than others.  For instance the picket line at Fox Studios gets a healthier dose of A-list writers from shows like DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES and THE OFFICE as well a daily smattering of film and TV stars due to its close proximity to Beverly Hills and Bel Air.  The Writers Guild sends the more plebeian writers from less popular shows or worse...basic cable shows to the Warner or Disney lots all the way over the hill in Burbank.  In fact the picket line assignments have become something of a status symbol akin to getting a good table during lunch at Spago.  Only in Hollywood.

Of course, there's entertainment on the picket lines of the writers strike.  I see writers playing scrabble, singing songs, and even doing standup comedy.  People bring their pets to the picket line, and last week even saw the first Writers Guild "Bring your kid to the picket line" day.  Does making your child sit on a concrete sidewalk in the sun for 8 hours count as abuse?  Someone should ask Child Protective Services about these kind of things.  At the very least, it sets new standards for child boredom.

In the latest twist, the strike has become the newest Hollywood singles scene.  Writers and people posing as writers show up to the picket lines in search of that perfect soulmate or at least one of the many young would-be model-actresses walking the picket lines for the "connections."  I've even heard of writers posting on Craig's List in an attempt to locate the woman they couldn't get the gumption to ask out while on the picket line (seriously).

Yes, the great Hollywood writers walkout of 2007 is getting it's share of sympathy from the media, but LES MISERABLES it ain't.  For producers like myself and others intent on actually doing their job (shocker!), the strike is at best, a source of entertainment and at worst, a minor inconvenience.  As the work slows down, we find other ways to occupy our time.  If you want to see how I'm spending my newfound free time, visit http://www.youtube.com/undercvrconservative.  Stay tuned for more from the Left Coast.